L I F E S T Y L E
Friendships are very important. We lose friends, we stay in touch with friends for years and sometimes we make amazing new ones.
I have created a friend bible (If you like) where I draw upon my own personal views / experiences that I have had in my life, over the years. Also some of my opinions about it all. Even though I am only 20, I have had my fair share of friends over my 20 years of life. I have gained amazing friends, I have lost friends that were as fake as it gets and I have stayed friends with people from school.
I hope that if you are ever in a sticky situation when it comes to friendships, this post will HOPEFULLY help you. I have added in some cheesy quotes here and there..
Let’s talk fake friends, good qualities in friends and moving on from a friendship that has ended.
How to spot fake friends
They are constantly making promises they can’t keep – they make plans with you and then they drop the plans whenever they can.
It is one sided- you are always making effort and they never make an effort with you. They only talk to you when they want something. They make a lot of effort with other friends, but not you. You always see them out with other friends but claim that they are “busy.”
They try to compete against you- a great example of this is a hobby that you may have. If you and your friend have the same hobby that is great right? so if they try to change it and make it into a competition against each other when it should be enjoyable. They want to try to be “better than you” regarding the hobby, or try and make it seem as though they are “amazingly better” at the hobby than you are. They DON’T want you to succeed, and instead of praising you they are always trying to bring you down.
They are never there when you need them, especially when you need them the most- this for me is a TRUE TESTER. A real friend will be there for you when you feel at your lowest, they will be there when you call, when you text, when you’re sad. WHEN YOU NEED THEM, THEY WILL BE THERE FOR YOU.
Their attitude changes quickly with you- one day they are completely fine with you and the next they are full of attitude, making it look as though you have done something wrong. They try to make you feel guilty, but you haven’t done something wrong.. it may be their own problems.
They push you to make the wrong decisions- these sort of people are toxic. You want your friends to encourage you to do good things, they are supposed to keep you on the right track and if you are going off track they will tell you.
They aren’t trustworthy- BIG BIG BIG ONE, YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TRUST YOUR FRIENDS. If you tell them something that is private and they go around telling everyone. They are the fakest of the fakest. Honey, wave them byeeee.
How do you know when a friendship is over
They stop trying with you
Things aren’t the same as they used to be
Conversation feels forced and it is hard to talk to them.
You don’t have fun together – you don’t have anything in common, which isn’t a bad thing but if it looks as though spending time together is too much work then it’s not good.
Finding out through social media what is going on in their lives
You feel that the friendship has turned toxic – there is too much negativity, it is frustrating and it is draining.
How to move on from a friendship that has ended
No you aren’t in a relationship together, however, a friendship ending is just as sad as a breakup.
Have time to reflect and think about what qualities you don’t want in a friend, and what qualities you do want.
Give yourself some space- unfollow them, block them (this could be considered harsh, but especially if it has been a really toxic process, you need time away from that)
Don’t bad mouth about them- what has happened, has happened. Don’t go around spreading rumours, or even talking negatively about them. You will be the bigger person.
GET OUT AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS- it is always good to make new friends. Make friends with people who have stuff in common with you, or have qualities that you like in a friend. I LOVE making new friends, it is the best thing.
The different types of friends
I do think that there are different types of friends. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to categories your friends, as some friends are sometimes just there to be friends for that time in your life.
The childhood friend: you might have been friends with them since you were younger. You know everything about each other and it doesn’t matter if you don’t see each other for a week, 2 months or a year, every time you meet.. nothing has changed!
The work friend: The friend that you have when you are working, whether this at work, university, school..they are the friend to count on when you need help with work related stuff. When you meet, they can sometimes spark your inner creativity .
The friend who is painfully honest: (I feel like I am this friend): if you know me personally, then you know that I am very honest. You come to me for advice, I will tell you how it is (not in a bad way of course, in the nicest way possible) you always get that one friend, who will say it how it is. They sometimes tell you what you don’t want to hear, but most of the time you need to hear it.
The newer friend: there is always a newer friend that you have just recently became friends with. You are still learning about each other and it’s all very exciting.
The doesn’t make any effort friend: I feel like we all have one of these. They are still a great friend, but you know that if you don’t text them first you are never getting a text, you will never speak to them, or ever see them again for that matter lol.
You’re GO TO FRIEND: you can go to them for ANYTHING, a long phone call where you are crying over a breakup between you and your ex, you need some medicine because you feel sick, you need to stay at their house because you have no wifi << Do people actually do this lol? (ANYTHING!) you can have the best times with them and make lots of amazing memories together. You never get bored with them and the friendship is well balanced.
Good qualities that I look for in friends
I look for quite a lot of qualities in friends, because I am picky about who I am friends with. I have a lot of friends, I am friends with people who I wouldn’t necessarily call friends more like just people I know, or acquaintances.
Loyalty – VERY IMPORTANT. Do not cross that line. For me I am all about girl code and a lot of my friends know that. It is a massive NO NO, if they cross that girl code and are all the sudden seeing an ex NOPE BYE! They have to be impartial and accepting and not to judge me on anything I have done.
Trustworthy- I HAVE to be able to trust them. All friends like to chat, whether this be bitching, gossiping, chatting about everything and anything. I want to know that whatever I am telling my friends, stays between us.
Kind & Caring – why am I going to want to be friends with someone who doesn’t care about me? or if they are nasty to me? they have to care for my safety and my health. I am the sort of friend that if it is late out, and we go our separate ways I will always say to them “Text me when you get home” so I know that they are safe. I would expect that back.
Has a great sense of humour- I love that my friends can be as weird as me. I love having a laugh with them, that is when you make the best memories.
Supportive- I have been through a lot in my 20 years of life. I need someone who is going to support me when I go through hard times, I need to know that they are there if I need them. Also, if you are starting a new job or a new chapter in your life, I expect my friends to support whatever I decide to do and I will do the same.
Good listener- if I am having any worries, I like knowing that I can go to my friends and ask for their advice. Also, they can give me their opinions on ANYTHING, whether this advice on a jacket, work problems or even might be struggling with some personal problems.
I am not going to sit here and list the bad things in a person, because if they are nasty, rude, unappreciative of you, they lie, they don’t care about your feelings, they never make an effort with you or they don’t care what is going on in your life- THEY SUCK.. just kidding.. you get what I mean though.
Things I have learnt about friends over the years:
- The people you hang around with in school, WONT (99.9% of the time) be your REAL friends when you leave school. I can’t emphasis that enough. You are forced together in an environment where you have to make friends. When you leave school or college you will see the bigger picture, you all have different interests, you are all different people.. that is ok.. they were only there to be your friend while you were in school.
- People change.. which is ok, I get that. But if your friend who was once a ‘good’ friend goes to being a ‘shitty’ friend. You have to know the limit, when do you call it quits and decide that it is no longer a healthy friendship?
- Having friends with the same interests to me is one of my favourite things. I have friends that don’t have the same interest as me, that is fine.. it doesn’t make them a bad person for it. What I mean is, I blog, do Youtube and do the whole social media thing… I love that some of my friend also do the same. They get me, they understand it and I don’t have to explain something to them. Don’t get me wrong, it is nice to talk to my other friends who don’t have the same interests as me about that interest. EVERYONE IS LEARNING. It is GREAT to be different to your friends, opposites attract.
- Being best friends with your mum, dad, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, dog.. is the best thing!!! they are ALWAYS there when you need them, you can always count on them for advice, help or even to make you a fab cup of tea (maybe not the dog)
5) Length of time you have been friends DOES NOT MATTER. You could have a friend that you have been friends with for 5 months be a better friend then one you have been friends with for 5 years.
YOU MADE IT TO THE END!
Feel free to message me if you are ever having any problems with friends, sometimes it is great to talk to someone new.
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